My Little Friend Alex

...an unexpected guest

Some of you may have already read this one…

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One flew over the cuckoo’s nest…and must have headed right through our window and into our screen-less unit. It was a bright, but confused bird. Quite small but firm of wing. My first sighting was in the bedroom where our bird—let’s call it Alex—was bashing his little beak to a nub trying to exit through a fixed pane of glass. I tried to impart some advice on how to use his bird noggin and exit through the open window just above. Alex was stubborn and wasn’t about to listen to a non-avian. Apparently he missed the last Audubon Society class on escapism.

I decided to use the bristle end of a broom in an attempt to gently sweep him toward greener pastures in the living room where an open sliding door awaited. This really got his feathers up and he flew back to the bedroom where he took refuge under the bed. I then, again, gently poked beneath the bed with the pole end of the broom. The right side of his little bird brain employed the spatial awareness facility and flew from beneath the bed and under the counter in the bathroom (the chaser had a senior moment and forgot to close the bathroom door; the chasee figured this out). I, once again, had to use the broomstick poker and shooed him from beneath the counter. One more reason to remind contractors to put baseboards below counters. It keeps out birds, lotions, pills, and other sundry items.

So now, I really had him on the run—or on the fly. He made a beeline back to the living room where he began another session of beak bashing against the slider door pane. I had generously opened the sliding door but this one chose to use his now-bent beak to try the fixed part. I mentioned earlier that he was a bright, but confused bird. (I held back on using the term stupid.) Forty-five minutes later, amidst more frantic flapping, Alex finally found the open part and flew into the neighborhood so he could pester some other unsuspecting party. I could have sworn it was singing “Fly me to the Moon.”

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